chasing happiness

So I was wondering what my first post would be about and in the midst of my depressing ramblings on twitter, I deeped I might as well put it into a short post. If it reads shit, lemme blame my dyslexia.

So firstly, what is happiness for me? And why does it feel like I’m always chasing it like some rare Pokemon? If I’m brutally honest, I know that yes, we are striving to feel content within life and to be in a genuine place of long-lasting happiness but I can’t help feeling like this a lie I forbid myself to acknowledge wholeheartedly. It feels like we’re stuck in the Matrix and we all believe this myth to be a truth, a goal. I can only speak for myself but I know others relate, I get messages all the time from people regarding my melancholy ass tweets.

Here’s a cliché cringe quote:

The grass is always greener on the other side

For as long as I could remember, I’ve never been comfortable in my life situation. I’ve always been holding my breath and looking ahead, selling myself the belief that once I’ve finished this part, I’ll be free to move onto the next stage and maybe there I’ll find what I’m looking for; happiness, or perhaps a little bit more than I have already. Once I get there, surprise surprise it’s the same shit. Okay, let me not lie, it does feel good once you get there, but after that initial high wears off, it’s the same old shit. Maybe the things that used to make me unhappy have shuffled around a bit, but then hey I’m given new things that cause me to be unhappy, all in all, it’s the same.

Maybe this is just life, and I’m complaining like a whiny little bitch, but this is my life, and I have the right to complain about it. Maybe it’s the human condition never to have long-lasting happiness in our life, perhaps that’s why humans are different from animals. Humans chase happiness, contentedness and it makes us do amazing things for the world, we climb, we climb but what are we climbing towards? That Juicy Fruit gum high?

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying I wholeheartedly believe that it’s all a lie (sometimes it sure feels that way), and it’s probably best to not fully subscribe to this way of thinking. Life is hard enough as it is, we need to tell ourselves that “It’ll get better” even when our track record might be suggesting otherwise. I try to keep the faith I guess, or I try not to think about it at all, I’m not sure which one I’m doing. What I’ve learned over the years is that while it is a very individual experience, there’s no doubt that to the very core of it, it’s a thing many people are fighting through. I suppose myself and others just hide behind the guise of happiness to help keep the fragile truth-lie alive for our friends and family.

Take care init.